New year, new you. It’s a common mantra after a season of over-indulgence.
A recent Health and Fitness report has found that whilst 3 in 5 people will spend up to $1400 a year on trendy ‘active wear’ – only 1 in 5 Aussies are buying the gym membership to back up that lycra. Thinking of joining the gym in 2017? Here’s what to expect when you step inside the studio.
You arrive in your brand new workout gear, not sure what to expect from those classes everyone raved about during your gym tour. You get to Body Attack class and discover the world of group exercise gang warfare.
The room is divided into 3 sections. Like Vivian Ward and Kit De Luca defending their street corner in Pretty Woman - you must find your 'corner' among the regulars.
The front is for the hardcore exercisers. The ones wearing all black. You know the people we’re talking about. They go to every class. They hug each other and whoop at track intervals and rep countdowns, begging for the longest workout possible. They are the gang leaders and this is certainly not the place for first-timers.
The middle is where you find the ‘fit regulars’. They are succession planning for the front gang but can't quite bring themselves to throw out coloured workout gear or whoop and hug yet - we can't say we blame them. There's no room for beginners in this group either.
Then there's the back room bandits. The first-timers and doctor-recommended exercisers. The smell of fear from those with a vague idea of the pain that awaits them is prominent. Nervously edging around the walls and shuffling self consciously - this is where many beginners find their people.
The music starts and you’re quickly jostled from your turf by an aggressive woman with a Karate Kid high kick and a knee repeater that would send brave men running. She practically hits you across your head with her high clap and you’re thinking to yourself - hang on...isn't the back supposed to be for beginners?
Is this aggression part of some hazing ritual?
Are you being gang-initiated and don't even know it yet?
It’s a tough world when you’re jumping into exercise and only the brave survive. If you make it through the gang warfare of group exercise and decide to return for a second class, you can bet all the active wear in your closet that you’ll be a black-clad group exercise ninja in no time!
What will you be doing to keep fit this year?
I love the gym and go all the time
I’ll be joining a gym to start my fitness journey
I’ll be exercising in the great outdoors, the gym is not for me
Fitness? Does fittin' a whole pizza in your mouth count?